After the cookie insemination, I wasn’t pregnant.
I cried, of course. I was very sad. I had already been dreaming of October birthday parties. But I was even more determined. NO one had told me that I couldn’t get pregnant. No one had told me much of anything… except the day I met Dr. X he promised me I would get pregnant so... I had to talk to Dr. X, which I was not looking forward to. He was just so…. cold and unpleasant.
I called Linda at the office and left a message.
As I waited for Linda to call back, I called Dan to tell him he’d need to go back to Rolf.
“OK,” Dan said, “Rolf is still yelling at me every time I go.” This would be Dan’s 5th time giving samples for Rolf to freeze.
“Oh God. I’m sorry,” I said.
“He just really hates me for some reason,” Dan said, “I wonder if it’s because I’m gay.”
I felt sick, remembering how Rolf had freaked out when Dan asked for gay porn in the sperm extraction room. “I’m going to tell Dr. X about this,” I told Dan.
I had asked Linda to call back on my home phone and left my home number on her voice mail, but for some reason she called on my cell.
“First, I need to talk to you about Rolf,” I told Linda.
“Oh, OK,” she said. She was very sweet. I wondered if I should just ask her to have the doctor call me before I launched in to this…. but I so HATED dealing with his arrogant ways.
Which is worse? Dealing with arrogance or incompetence?
Seriously – tell me.
I continued, “Rolf is horrible to Dan…”
“Oh?” Linda asked. I was trying to figure out if she knew who Dan was.
“Everytime Dan goes in with sperm, Rolf yells at him and tells him to go away and come back another day.”
“Oh no, why?’ Linda asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, “I guess Rolf doesn’t like Dan.”
“No, no,” Linda said calmly. “He wouldn’t do that.”
“Linda, he is doing it and it’s awful. He needs to treat Dan with respect. We are paying a fortune here.”
“Of course,” Linda said. “I’m sorry.” Was she?
“Will you pass this along to Dr. X, please?” I said.
“Of course,” she said.
I held back tears and said, “I’m not pregnant.”
“I’m sorry,” Linda said. “Do you want to do another insemination?”
I felt excited that she said that. I guessed it meant that she and the doctor thought I could get pregnant that way… or it meant she had no idea what the doctor wanted me to do and was just throwing out ideas.
“I do,” I said, and felt compelled to add, “But I know Dr. X wants me to do IVF.”
“Do you want to do IVF?” she asked.
I didn’t want to do IVF and the only reason Dr. X had ever given me for IVF was my advanced age. I mean, if I was wealthy, I guess I’d just jump in, but all this was so expensive and I felt like IUI would work. But I wasn’t the expert. “Look,” I said to Linda, “I know Dr. X is pushing it, but I don’t think I need it.”
“Mmm hmm,” Linda mumbled, as if she wasn’t listening. “So, you want to do another insemination.”
“I mean, I guess,” I said. “Are those my only options? IVF or IUI?”
“Mmmm hmmm,” Linda said, “Do you want to do injectables?”
“Injectables? What’s that?” I asked. (See I really wasn’t an expert.)
“That’s when you inject medications to produce more eggs. Then you do IUI,” she said.
“Oh! That sounds -”
I was about to say good, but Linda cut me off…. “That’s what Octomom did.”
Um… could anyone ever say anything more horrifying? Like I’m gonna ever say, Yes! I want to do what Ocomom did.
“Oh! Then no. No injectables,” I said. “I guess I’ll just do another regular IUI.”
*As I recount this story to you, I have a much greater knowledge of INJECTABLES than I did back then. Injectables just means the medications injected to produce more follicles. The amount of medication can be and should be controlled by the doctor. It doesn’t always produce 8 babies.)
*Also I’d like to say that this is not what Octomom did. In my research (yeah, Octomom research) she did IVF. Second, it’s not the method that she used but the skill and lack of judgement used by the doctor, that we are talking about with Octomom… so if Linda was trying to scare me about something, she was actually implying that Dr. X wasn’t skilled enough to produce less than 6 babies if using injectables.
I wondered if Linda was going to ask me if I’d completed my 3rd party donor papers. Not that anyone had checked before my first IUI. Linda didn’t ask so I volunteered.
“And, by the way, Linda, everything is taken care of… with Barbara and the donor stuff. For Dan.”
“Oh, OK,” Linda seemed disinterested. Or maybe just confused.
“It should be in my file. Is it?” I asked.
“Um,” Linda took a moment as if she was checking. “You know, I don’t have it here. I’ll have to check later.”
And there you have it…. The Top Fertility Clinic in LA or maybe even the country. And no one knew what the F was going on.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/pumpkincat210/5186203481/”>theinvisiblewombat</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a>
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/36658481@N06/3377084165/”>iVoryTowerz> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a>
so interesting reading your ttc blogs, as i’m in the thick of the process. i read your story and have such a visceral response because it feels like my life – and my fertility clinic – right now!! thanks for writing it all down. hoping i end up with a little toe head at the end of all of this, like you. 🙂
Oh no!! I’m so sorry your clinic is like The Fancy Clinic!! Please feel free to share any of your stress or issues with me and I will advise or commiserate or whatever you need!!!