“I got my period,” I said on Linda’s voicemail. “Please call me at home if it’s before 6 (I left my home number) and on my cell if it’s after 6 (I left that number again too.)

At 6:30, she called my home – the opposite of what I had asked her to do but I had tricked her again, because I was home. Maybe she was dyslexic? No,  I was positive that she was trying to avoid speaking with me for some reason and now I had finally figured out how to deal with lovely Linda… tell her the opposite of what you need…. it’s so easy and stress free for someone trying to get pregnant!!

“I’m sorry you aren’t pregnant,” Linda said. She was nice. Just because she was not helpful didn’t mean she wasn’t nice. “We can try another IUI next month,” she said, so nicely.

Another IUI?  I was confused. I had been getting the hard sell to do IVF. “I thought the doctor wanted me to do IVF this time, right?” I asked Linda.

“OK.  You want to do IVF?” she asked. Again, nicely.

I wanted to scream: Please know me.  Please know my case. Please listen to what I am asking and help me.

“Well, no. I don’t WANT to do IVF,” I said, letting my frustration slip out. “I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to do what the doctor told me to do! I need some help here!” I wanted to scream and cry and hang up and throw a tantrum. I hated this place! (have I mentioned that?)

“Well, it’s up to you,” she said, remaining calm. “Have you tried Clomid?”

Oh, she was going to try to help me now… OK. “Yes,” I told her, “I tried Clomid with my OB. It caused cysts.” I had tried to tell Dr. X this before. I’m sure he had written it in my chart… ha.

“OK…  All right,” Linda said. She paused.  It seemed like she was thinking of other options for me. I thought I’d give her some more background, since she actively helping me.

“When I first met with Dr. X, he told me to do IVF if I didn’t get pregnant in 3 tries,” I said, reminding her even though she was in the room then.

“Is that what you’d like to do?” she asked again.

“No – but do I have other choices?” Linda, guide me! Help me! Give me the tools I need to make a decision.

“You can do another IUI, you can do injectables or you can do IVF.”

“But last month, you said that injectables weren’t easy to control and I’d be more likely to get multiples. You said that’s what the Octomom did,” I said.

“Hmmm,” Linda barely responded.

She was driving me crazy. “Right? Is that right, Linda?”

“Have you tried Clomid?”  Linda asked.

I paused for a second. OMG, was she watching TV? Playing angry birds on her phone?  “Um, yes I did try Clomid. And you just asked me that, like a minute ago.”

“Oh, OK,” Linda said. “Uh, sorry. What did you say?”

Was she kidding? “I said yes, I did take Clomid… with my OB.”

“OK. So you have to decide what you want to do soon because if you do IVF you have to start preparing by day three.”

“Right I know!” OH MY GOD!!! This is why I called her – because I had to decide soon!  This is why I left two numbers! I was about to cry.

“Have you tried Clomid?” Linda asked.

I was dumbfounded. If she was joking… No, she wasn’t joking, no, no, she had no humor.  Now I wasn’t about to cry. Now I was pissed. “Linda?” I asked slowly so I wouldn’t scream my head off.  Something must be wrong with her – short term memory loss? Brain tumor?  I decided that Linda was very ill. “Linda, you just asked me if I’ve tried Clomid three times in the last two minutes.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She gave a little nervous laugh.

“Linda, it’s not OK,” I was taking charge now. I was strong now. I had to take care of my self, again in the best fertility clinic in Los Angeles, nay the country. “Linda! What the hell is going on with you? What is happening? Are you listening to me? Are you doing something else? Are you distracted? Are you sick?”

Linda make a few sounds, none of which are words.

“Linda, I don’t know what’s going on with you, and if you are having a personal problem,  I need to talk to someone I can trust! So far, you have given me little reason to trust you… and I can’t call the doctor myself. You are my only link to information and you aren’t listening to me!!!”

“I’m so sorry,” Linda finally said. She did sound sorry. “There’s no excuse, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I need you to be on top of this or I need to talk to someone else!” I yelled at her like she was a naughty child.

“No, of course. I understand.” Linda said, “Do you want to talk to the doctor?”

I hated Dr. X (have I mentioned that?) and I didn’t want to talk to him at all….. but I was out of luck here. “Yes,” I said. “I’d love to talk to the doctor.”

It had been ages since I actually spoken with him, though avoiding him was not helping me because I was completely confused. I’d never had a doctor, who made me deal with mostly assistants and technicians I didn’t choose. In this case, I had let it go on because Dr. X was so unpleasant to deal with, I didn’t really want to see him.  But he was my doctor and I had to talk to him. I was dreading it.

Dreading.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/amymctigue/3161095736/”>Amy McTigue</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/elblogazo/13581318/”>Arturo J. Paniagua</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/judy-van-der-velden/5036838344/”>Judy **</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/lord-jim/6449796821/”>Lord Jim</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a>