The next day,  after giving myself two more injections, I went to The Fancy Clinic to give the financial lady my credit card. Though they don’t actually charge the card till after the surgery, they need it have it right away. To reserve my place I guess.  My IVF was about two weeks away.

I walked straight through the doors of The Fancy Clinic, through the lobby to the financial lady and gave her my credit card. She swiped it and then showed me how my card wasn’t charged and how the HOLD receipt was going in the safe.

Then I went to Linda’s station, bypassing the receptionist.  I wasn’t going to sit and wait forever in that lobby anymore. I was going to be paying for IVF. I was one of the VIPs… so I owned this place now.

I felt confidant that IVF would work just because Dr. X was so proud of his IVF success rate. Since Dr. X hadn’t really ever talked to me about what was going on in my uterus or with my eggs, I just refered back to his old motto, “You’re 41, you should do IVF.”

“Hi, Linda!” I said with a big cheery smile.  I had a whole new attitude here;  I was going to be done with this place and pregnant so soon. “I gave myself an injection today and it went well.”

“Good,” Linda said. Her eye shadow was always colorful and perfect. Today it was blues and purples.

 “How are you feeling?” I asked, remembering she was out yesterday because she was sick.

“Better.” Linda hesitated and then added, “actually, it was my mother who was sick.  I took her to the doctor.”

Maybe this is why Linda has been so distracted. 

“Did Stephanie leave you a note about my infectious disease results?” I asked Linda, knowing full well she’ll have no idea what I’m talking about.

“What?” Linda asked.

I explained, “Stephanie told me that since I did the infectious disease tests in December I wouldn’t need a new one, but it’s not in my file.  Can you look for it?”

“Oh, yes,” Linda said.  I knew she wouldn’t  I also knew no one would even question me about it again.  I knew I’d be allowed to have my IVF without it. I knew that no one at this place was tracking me or my progress. No one remembered what I needed or didn’t need. I was still really on my own; IVF or no.

“So,” Linda said, blinking her colorful doe eyes, “Have you seen Barbara about the 3^rd party donor papers?”

I felt my pulse rise. I wanted to scream. What the fuck are CHARTS for? 

My good mood vanished. “First of all, I already told you I’m DONE with Barbara.” I said with some venom.

Linda looked surprised.

“I’ve dealt with this issue, Linda and it’s taken care of. I already told you this and Barbara was supposed to make that clear.”

“OK,” Linda said.

 “But,” I said giving Linda a chance to redeem herself, “We never got a semen analysis, so we should do that before the IVF, right?”

“You don’t really need that now,” Linda said.

I wanted to scream again. “Stephanie said I do.”

“OK, well you can talk to Rolf,”  Linda said.

I took a deep breath. “No, Dan and I don’t deal with Rolf.”

Linda looked surprised. “Oh?”

“Rolf hates Dan,” I said.  “Rolf yells at Dan and is so mean to him.  I’ve told you this before.”

“That is terrible,” Linda said as if she’d never heard it.

I was sick of everyone so I just walked out. I went to the lab to talk to Rolf, even though he was a meanie.

Rolf was looking into a microscope. “Yes?”

“Hi Rolf, I need to pick up a cup for a semen analysis for Dan.  I’m doing IVF and we haven’t done this test yet, so there is a time concern.”

Rolf got the cup and a blue piece of paper.  He was grumpy.  No, not grumpy.  Annoyed and angry.  “He needs an appointment!” he yelled for no reason. “He has to call and make an appointment!  I can’t do it without an appointment.”

“OK,” I said calmly. “He’ll make an appointment.  Why don’t I make one now.”

“I’m booked all week,” Rolf said.

It was Tuesday morning.

“Saturday?” I asked. 

“Booked,” He said.

“OK,” I said, hating him.  “I’ll have Dr. X call you then.” I didn’t know what else to say. Why was I doing this myself? Why was no one helping me? Shouldn’t they be talking care of all this?????

I had to go get my meds across the street at the pharmacy. As I went back though the lobby, I saw Linda waving to me.  Linda who was now standing with Abby. “I got Abby for you to make sure you have all your 3^rd party donor papers.” Linda said.

Abby handed me a folder with the lawyer, list of infectious disease test and psychologist papers.

I died a little inside.

I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t lose my shit, “I’ve gotten these papers a few times before, Linda. And I’ve told you that Barbara has taken care of everything. Don’t you remember I just told you this?”

Linda stared at me blankly.

“OH!” Abby said, “Barbara said?”

“Yep,” I said, “Barbara said this 2 months ago.”

“But Dan still needs an infectious disease test,” Linda said.

I repeated my mantra: The most important thing is that this is the best place in the city.  IVF is going to work.  I’m going to get pregnant.   I’m done with this incompetent place soon… hopefully!!

I looked directly at Linda,  “I just need to tell you again, how every time I talk to anyone, I get conflicting answers, no one remembers anything about me and if I didn’t stay on top of it… I don‘t know what would happen.” I am trying to keep calm. “ For example, you tell me Dan needs another infectious disease test and I was just told that Dan did NOT need the infectious disease test.”

“Who?! Who said that?”  Linda and Abby seemed appalled.

“Stephanie,” I told them. “And she said he needs a sperm analysis.”

“She must have thought you and Dan were married,”  Linda said.

The way she said it was sort of judgey. Was Linda being snide? No. I don’t think she was really capable of being intentionally rude.

 “I told Stephanie our situation, explicitly,” I informed Linda and Abby.

“Hmm,” Abby asked and whispered, “Are you two…. Intimate?”

OH MY GOD!!!!!! I’m just sick of them all.

 “She must have thought you were,” Abby added.

I changed the subject.  “I’m going to get my medications at the pharmacy now. They are all called in, right Linda?”

“Yes,” Linda said.  “It should be all ready.”

I left.  Nervous.  Excited.  Finally grasping this.  I’m spending this money.  I’m doing the injections.  I am doing this!

 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/pumpkincat210/4368225912/”>Courtney Rhodes Pumpkincat210</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/moneyblognewz/5264722106/”>MoneyBlogNewz</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a>