Linda finally called back and she apologized.

She begged me to come back, saying that she really messed up and she would try harder.

I said No of course.

“You can’t leave just because of this one mistake!” she pleaded, sheepishly.

“One mistake?” I practically bellowed. “It has been an endless chain of incompetence and error… but not just you, Linda; almost everyone here has offended me.” 

“Really?” Linda whispered, either pretending to be surprised or just being typical Linda and forgetting everything I’d told her.

“I’ve told you so many times, Linda,” I said, “and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m exhausted by this place… and I’m done.”

“But, you’ve started the shots… IVF,” Linda tried to tell me.

“I’ll go somewhere else,” I told her, finally relaxed from my vallum. “I’m done with everyone here. It’s been a horrible experience.”

“I’m so sorry,” Linda whispered again.

“Thank you,” I said. I felt a little lighter and more hopeful and a little bit sorry for Linda, who, for some reason was really bad at her job; at least she was with me. I wondered if she’d get fired; I wished the best for her… probably because I felt sorry for her.

“And you know, you never put me in touch with other single moms. I asked you so many times… I would have really liked to connect with all those other women choosing to be single moms.”

“I’m so sorry,” Linda said again.

“Me too, believe me.”  I hung up with Linda and called The Fancy Clinic front desk. I asked them send my records to 2 new clinics my OB had referred me to.

My thought was that if I could get in right away at a new place, I could keep doing the shots and continue doing my IVF as planned.

The first place I called was closed. It was only 4pm.  I felt unproportionate rage, even though I had a relaxation drug in my body. How dare they be closed! I hated them! I took a few deep breaths and left a message.

The second place I called couldn’t see me for two weeks. I wanted to scream! This place was horrible too! I hated them!

I knew that I was just traumatized. These places weren’t horrible… YET! Ugh. I didn’t trust fertility clinics. Any of them.

I sat there and stared at my table of meds; including my new $1200 growth hormone that I decided to buy as the delivery guy pressured me and my heart rate jumped to 180 (or so I imagined.) Should I give myself my evening shots? Was I going to try to continue this IVF somewhere else? The thought was so overwhelming, I almost couldn’t breathe. Here I was, doctorless and making these decisions on my own… but it felt no different then being at The Fancy Clinic. Being doctorless.

Maybe you should take a month off and interview new doctors, my OB had said.

Yes. My OB was right. I wanted to stop. I wanted a fresh start. I’d save these meds in case I needed them. But I needed to relax and find someone I could trust.

The next morning, Dr. X called me. HA! Fantastic! I had been expecting him to call yesterday, but he didn’t. Well, I wasn’t scared of him anymore. I wasn’t dreading speaking to him this time because I was pissed.

“So, I’m out of the office one afternoon and all hell breaks loose,” Dr. X said with a laugh.

It wasn’t funny. I didn’t respond.

Dr. X took a more serious tone. “You are leaving us? Why?”

I launched into the story of how Linda forgot the $1200 medication.

“Well you’ve got it now, so what’s the problem?” Dr. X said, his usual cocky, righteous self.

I told him how Linda said I didn’t need the Saizen at all and then said I didn’t need it till Friday and how she only saw I needed it at my insistence to check my chart. “If I didn’t take this till Friday, would my cycle have been affected?”

Dr. X was silent.

“That was just the final straw, Doctor,” I said. “Everything here has been very difficult, as I told you before I agreed to do IVF.” I told Dr. X many stories about the incompetence I experienced and then added, “And, Rolf is absolutely horrible to Dan.”

“What? What does he do?” Dr. X seemed actually concerned.

I explained about the fighting, screaming and yelling. “I think he may be homophobic.”

“No no!” Dr. X protested. “He’s not homophobic! We have lots of gays and lesbians here.”

I wasn’t letting him bulldoze me anymore, “You didn’t see him with Dan. You have no idea. Dan did nothing wrong ever. At their first meeting he asked Rolf if there was any gay porn in the donation room and from then on, Rolf screamed his head off at Dan every time he saw him!”

Dr. X was silent for a moment and then said, “Well, that’s just Rolf; he’s old. We are all just waiting for him to retire.”

I. Was. Horrified. “Well, in the mean time, he was fucking with my life!  I can’t believe anyone gets pregnant here!” I screamed at Dr. X.

“Well, they do. Lots and lots of women get pregnant here,” Dr. X had to get a bit defensive. Then he relinquished a bit of his armour,“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“I did!” I cried, “And I told Linda to tell you too… you mean she didn’t pass it along? Shocker,” I said in my nastiest sarcastic tone.

“Look,” Dr. X said, “My reputation is everything to me. I don’t want you to leave upset like this. If you come back and do IVF here, I’ll give you a huge discount. Like at cost.”

I found it interesting that he didn’t talk about me and my experience, but rather him not wanting me to leave like this and  his reputation…

I do LOVE a huge discount, but the thought of going back to that place and giving them even a penny more of my money made my body tense up again. Even if he had offered it for free I would have said…

“No,” I said. “I’m going somewhere else.”

Then, Dr. X got a little bratty. “I see you had your files sent to Clinic #2 and Clinic #3 (the next places I will tell you about in my saga.)

“Yes,” I said.

“Well,” he gave a smug laugh, ” I know those doctors and those places don’t come close to our reputation and our success rate.”

“Is there something wrong with my reproductive system?” I blurted out. “Besides my age is there any reason I can’t get pregnant?”

He didn’t answer.

“I’m going to be fine at one of those clinics,” I said, as strong as I’ve ever been “I’m not a statistic.”

“And they don’t have a lab like ours,” Dr. X continued to belittle my decision. 

“Good,” I said, “Then they don’t have Rolf!”

I few days later, I got my Visa bill. I was charged $6,900 (about 1/3 of what the total costs would have been) to my credit card even though The Financial Lady told me my card was going into a safe and would not be charged until the day of my IVF.  No one had told the office I cancelled, I guess. Typical. I called The Financial Lady on a Friday, over the weekend and on Monday and left messages to tell her my card was charged erroneously.… no one answered or called back.

Finally, Monday afternoon I called the reception and told them my problem and they connected me to the woman in the business office, who I’d already left messages for… it was clear she hadn’t checked the machine.  She seemed to have no idea what was happening and somehow after lots of time, calls and re explaining the situation – the $6,900 was removed and I was DONE with THE FANCY CLINIC.

 

 photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/cheishichiyo/3499592175/”>Kenny Teo (zoompict) via http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/dm-set/3846819118/”>Sarah G…</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/bestrated1/341866875/”>Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>