“HUG YOUR CHILDREN…”

is what a lot of people are saying, after another hideous shooting.
Hugging your children is ALWAYS a great idea, of course. Being grateful for them is always good as well.

There is something in the back of my mind, at all times, that makes me grateful for my life every day; perhaps it’s the memory of what my life was like before my son or perhaps it’s the knowledge that if I hadn’t taken big brave steps, I wouldn’t have him or maybe it’s that now, for the first time, though I’ve lost many loved ones, I really understand that life is fragile and precious and every other cliche that means we are here one day and gone the next.

I don’t want to say I live in fear; because I don’t, but I am always aware that shit happens – bad shit happens and my guard is often up.

This is hard.

This is what keeps me awake. This is what I never really understood before I had a baby.

The stakes are up as high as they have ever been and there’s a lot to lose.

When I hug my child, that’s what is there.

I wonder if I’ll ever go back to the way I used to be mentally; without worry, without thoughts that keep me up at night. I am a parent. That’s what we do.

My goal is to live in the present and make each day as fun and full and safe as I can. But I know I lose control every year he gets older and gains independence.
That is hard.

To say that my heart is with the grieving families of Sandy Hook is not enough. They should not be suffering at all.

When we tell each other to hug our children, we are telling each other to be grateful.
I want a guarantee.
The love and fear is sometimes too much to handle.
That is hard.

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One Response to “HUG YOUR CHILDREN…”

  1. madgesw says:

    Evie, I am afraid to tell you it never ends. Worry and fear of what the worse could be is always there in the back of one’s mind. But, most days we breeze through and when a real tragedy occurs we are front and center with empathy, anxiety, fear and loathing, But then the sun comes out and we again move about our life with thoughts of goodness. That is life and we must learn to live it truly as if each day were our last.

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