By the time I had gotten all my tests back, I was 4 months along, I knew I was having a boy and I’d gotten my first photo of him:
It’s so crazy to say this, but I thought he looked so beautiful there. I was in love with that little clay bean sprout hugging my placenta.
A lot of people in my life knew I was thinking about being a Mom Solo, but many didn’t; these were the people I had been afraid would gasp in horror or say dumb hurtful things, like “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” or “It’s going to be so hard on your own,” or “You’re not going to meet someone if you become a single mom.”
I wasn’t worried about responses anymore. I wanted to tell everyone.
It was different from the time in high school when I got a nose job over summer vacation and felt the need to call people, because I was worried they’d be insulted that I didn’t tell them ahead of time. I specifically remember calling Laura Jacobson, who I wasn’t really even close with, to give her the heads up that I’d gotten my nose done, before school started. The conversation went like this:
“Hey Laura, it’s Evie. How was your summer?”
“Good. How about you?”
“Good, um, I wanted to tell you I got a nose job.”
“OK, see you next week. Bye.”
Why did I call Laura Jacobson???? She was so into Devo.
My excitement couldn’t be squelched now. Long gone were the days of feeling nervous and sensitive. I was strong and unwavering. There was no doubt in my mind I had done the right thing. I didn’t care about the dates I wouldn’t have or the money I wouldn’t have or any of the things one’s mind worries about when thinking of becoming a Mom Solo. I was only blissed out with excitement.
Here’s something to remember: when you do something very different from the norm, many people won’t have the ability to understand. It’s not personal.
I made calls for about 3 days (I have a lot of friends and family.)
Most of the response was like this:
“Ah!(screaming) I’m so happy for you”
“I want to give you a shower!”
“I want to be an auntie/uncle!”
“(bursting into tears) This is the best news!”
“If you ever need anything, I’m here for you!”
“That’s going to be one lucky boy!”
“You are going to be an amazing mother!”
“A double rainbow!”
And adamantly, from my from my BF Tia: “This is the best decision you’ve ever made in your life.”
A few of the responses went like this:
“OMG…. wait… are you joking?” then… “Congratulations.”
“I am going to need some time to process this, but that’s great.”
I didn’t really care about the less enthusiastic responses. But at some point, I had two different friends tell me that someone they knew had told, had said something pretty horrific… two people, who I knew second hand, had commented:
“I don’t believe gay people should have children.” (referring to Dan,)
I was of course, horrified by this comment, heard twice… but mostly, I felt sorry for these ignorant, small minded, misinformed people. I felt sad that this kind of hate and discrimination exists. I also happened to know that both of these people were very unhappy in their own lives, which made perfect sense.
I couldn’t and can’t help lamenting the ways of the world and the judgement and hate among us. How can I protect my child from this? I guess I can’t. But I can give him the tools to know how to not let meaningless vitriol penetrate the truth. Instill self confidence and love. That’s my hope.
When I decided to become a Mom Solo, I had a lot of fears and worries about what others would say. Now that I was actually on my way to being a Mom Solo, I was a rock. I was a mama bear. I had a son to bring into the world.
I really had forgotten about that comment until I started writing this entry. I debated not including it, because I didn’t want to see it in writing. But, it’s part of my journey. There are hateful, unhappy, misguided people are in the world. When you do something very different from the norm, many people won’t have the ability to understand. It’s not personal.