My babysitter flaked on me tonight.

I have mentioned before that I rarely ever want to go out. I never care about social plans where I have to leave Spenser. I’m quite happy to stay home and be near him. When people ask “don’t you need adult time?” I pretend I do but I really don’t. I feel like I talk to lots of adults… Like all the time. I’ve been around the block, You guys. I love to stay home with my boy.

but tonight, I wanted to go out.

I think about this as mom solo and wonder if I had a partner, would he stay home if the sitter cancelled? I have many friends who are married who don’t go out separately – if one parent can’t go, neither of them go. I also have friends who take turns staying home/ going out.  If I had a partner, I’d be in the ” take turns” camp for sure.

I’m out of town, visiting one of my best friends of 20 years who is playing Blanche in Streetcar Named Desire and I wanted to go to opening a few nights ago. I couldn’t get a sitter.

I  had one more chance to see her show and my babysitter flaked…. 3 hours before curtain!

I was upset and trying to scramble for a sitter. I called everyone I knew in town and got some referrals for sitters. After all the no’s came in, I texted a sitter of a friend’s friend. The sitter texted back simply, “what’s your address?”

Um, wait. This is weird. Just “what’s your address?” Like maybe I had asked some random burglar. I freaked out. “You are available?” I wrote.

“Yes. Do you want me to come?” The person-less babysitter texted. my mind raced. My gut hurt. I started to shallow breathe and cry a little.

I can’t do this. I can’t let someone I’ve never met, whose referrers I don’t even know, watch my child. 

“Hey, my friend is going to babysit. Sorry. Thanks.” I texted. I felt relief.

Maybe I would have felt differently if I had called this person on the phone instead of texted. Hearing a voice may have given me some assurance that this was someone I could trust. Or maybe it wouldn’t have.

I was really disappointed to miss this show, but I would have felt worse if I’d gone out and left S with someone I didn’t know and something went wrong.

I gave Spenser and extra long bath and read extra books and sang longer songs. I felt so good that I trusted my gut. Even though I’m sad I missed this night, I wanted to have, I got to be with my son. I got to be the kind of mother I want to be.


This entry was posted in MOM STUFF, SOLO STUFF and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to BABYSITTER

  1. Theres no right or wrong… Your doing great for your son!

  2. Sparkle Raon says:

    I’m the same way. I miss out on things all the time because of this. That’s alright. One day my kids will be old enough to fend for themselves and I’ll get to enjoy being an adult more often than not. 🙂


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