I WAS BITCHY

Have you ever run into someone you used to know and they aren’t nice to you?

My friend Marie just told me that happened to her. She ran into someone she had known for a period of time who pretended she didn’t remember her and at first I was like, “Ugh,  what a bitch.” And then I remembered… ooops. I did that, not too long ago. It had nothing to do with the woman I ran into – it was all about me.

I was in my baby class and feeling a little nervous. I tried to pep talk myself and remind myself that it didn’t matter that I was the only single mom there. I tried to exude confidence and security. Fake it till you make it. I reminded myself how excited and happy I was and it didn’t matter what any of these expecting couples thought of me.

As I was relaxing a bit, a very pregnant woman came up to me. “Evie! Hi, remember me from high school? I’m Tanya Lester?  I was a few years younger.”

OK. First of all, reminding me that I’m old was off putting and second of all I’ve just been shot back into reality. All of a sudden, I’m high school Evie – didn’t have a boyfriend, didn’t really even date and felt weird about it. I was the 17 year old who thought she’d have the conventional family and thought she’d have a successful acting career…. Would Tanya think I’d failed at both? Was I now a failure? I felt like a total freak. All of a sudden, I felt defensive, like I had to prove that I was better than old high school Evie… except, was I?

“Oh, hi,” I said, in a distant, bitchy tone, as if I didn’t remember her but I was humoring her and being friendly to a stranger. So many levels I was playing – (I was such a good actress.) I remembered Tanya. I didn’t know her well, but under other circumstances, I certainly would have been more friendly. My instinct was to act cool and I guess, superior – like I was so awesome and successful, I didn’t have room in my brain for old high school acquaintances. I needed to feel stronger, so I was a bitch.

She introduced her husband and asked me when I was due. We were due days apart. I was distant and well, bitchy. I just really shut it down. I just kind of nodded and didn’t say much and let her feel foolish as she tried to bring up ways I might remember her.

I didn’t want her to see I was scared or think I was a failure or feel sorry for me.

For the strangers in the class, it didn’t matter so much what they thought of me, but this girl knew me in high school. I wasn’t prepared for that.

I just looked Tanya up on facebook and she’s actually friends with some pretty great people that I’m friends with.  Maybe I missed an opportunity to have another playmate for Spenser.

I guess the real point of this story is if someone you know is rude or bitchy to you – it’s not about you or them not liking you… it’s about them.

That was over two and a half years ago. I was a different person back then; so excited but also scared and nervous. I was learning how to be a Mom Solo and what that meant to me.

Being solo isn’t such a huge scary thing anymore at all. I don’t really give it much thought – except when I blog.

Now, it’s all about my son. It’s all about being nice, setting a good example and making the world a wonderful place for him to live in. I don’t have too much time to worry about what people think of me. I like it like that!

marabw oct 5 13 photo by maracaseyshoots.com

Advertisements
This entry was posted in PREGNANCY, SOLO STUFF and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I WAS BITCHY

  1. Madgew says:

    Great attitude.Comes with age and confidence.

  2. I really get that. I was actually really ashamed of becoming a single mum initially that I overstated my relationships with bub’s dad for awhile 😦 The things we do…

  3. ceseeber says:

    I absolutely adore the photo of you & S!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s