I was at a fun party with my dear friends. Spenser was playing, I was chatting and eating… good times were had by all. The party had started in the late afternoon, so we’d been there for a few hours. Evening came and I had to go. It was almost S’s bed time. I said goodbye to my friends and said, “I wish I didn’t have to leave.”
“I thought you didn’t need to go out with your friends,” said my good friend Amy who reads my blog. She was teasing me but… Oh God. Yeah, I wrote that. A few times. (OK, I’m searching for the other times I said “I don’t need to go out for girls night,” but I’m not finding any other posts to link… I know I wrote it…. did I delete them? Why can’t I find them? Let me know if you find them. OK?)
Before I was a mom, I went out almost every night; seeing theater (or doing theater,) dinners with my amazing friends, movies, kickboxing class… doing stuff… whatever it was, I was out. I went to bed around 1 or 2am. Or… later. That was me. I was SO SOCIAL!
Even when I was pregnant, I was out almost every night.
I always imagined that pregnant married women stayed home with their partners, receiving surprise bowls of ice cream while getting foot massages. Since I wasn’t getting that- I had decided not to sit around thinking about what I didn’t have. And I felt great. I was excited and happy, not bothered by what my alternative conventional pregnant life would have been like.
When Spenser was born, everything changed, of course. All I wanted was to be with him. But I didn’t stop seeing friends. They visited, I took him out – we were very social.
I was out a lot but I didn’t go out without him, like with a sitter… unless it was for work. I was tired, I had 4am feedings and I was happy to stay home. I was leading a very busy life, with purpose, love and tons of with-child socializing.
During this time, a lot of people I knew were getting divorced. Like about 16 people! My friend Kelsey had been married for 15 years and had a 10 year old and a 13 year old. Kelsey was finally free from her bad marriage and she wanted to go out. She wanted to get crazy and party and drink and get jiggy and stuff. And she wanted me to come with her. “Don’t you need a girls’ night?” she’d ask me, like every weekend. “Come on! You NEED a girls’ night.”
It was really the last thing I needed. I tried to explain to her that I’d been having girls nights the whole time she was married and now was my time to hunker down and nest and nurture. She didn’t care. She insisted. She hounded. And then I wrote about it here… but I can’t seem to find it to link to it… but I must have, because Amy made the comment… “I thought you didn’t need to hang out with your friends.”
So allow me to clarify… I LOVE being with my friends!!! I don’t like to miss being with you guys! I really love being with you guys especially when Spenser is with me – though that is getting harder because this boy is always on the move.
What I don’t need are late nights, seeing and being seen (ah, I used to love that) or wild nights with drinks and decadence.
I do need to see my friends. Do I prefer a day time so I don’t have to get a sitter and get home by 11ish and not fall asleep till 12ish and then wake up at 6, sure. But will I go out at night to be with you guys… of course!
I think what I was really trying to say (here and in those posts I can’t find) was that before I was a mom, I needed to go out. I couldn’t miss any gathering or event. And now, I’m content to stay home while my son sleeps.
Before I got pregnant, I was worried that I’d feel isolated staying home every night with a sleeping baby. But… I do not feel that way. Whether it’s because I got it out of my system or because just being near my boy is enough, staying home is good.
That’s what I meant, my friends.