So Rick and I chatted on line for about a week. It was good banter; flirty and smart – the best combo. His picture was really cute too, but far away. I mean, there was no way he really looked like Ben Affleck close up, in person.

We decided to meet for coffee. A coffee date is not a sexy date. It means I want to talk and get to know you, (I know, what’s wrong with that?).

 I rarely did coffee dates because I was looking for chemistry. I just figured if there was chemistry (ie attraction) the getting to know each other would follow.

So, there was Rick, outside the Starbucks and yes, he was really cute. Shocker! He bought me a coffee and we sat at a table. The conversation flowed. He was interesting and funny and sweet and got cuter and cuter as he pointed out all the adorable babies strolling by. That was a great sign that he was really looking for a relationship with kids. Right?

So there we were, on a coffee date with chemistry. It was insane! This never happened with internet dates! He walked me to my car and we kissed. Right there, with coffee breath, we made out!

coffee kisses… get it? (Yum. I want these.)

“Can I see you again?” Rick asked.

“Of course,” I answered.

“Tonight?” he asked.

Now… I could have just told you guys that we had a second date, like on another night… I didn’t have to tell you that it was about 5 hours later, so don’t judge.

“Great!” I said. ( I counted it as date 2)

He picked me up later that night and we went to some restaurant ate some food and made out in a booth. (Oh my God! I know.) Then, we went back to his car.

“Can I come over?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said. The fact that I actually wanted to make out with this guy was just crazy. I never liked guys from the internet!

Rick smiled and then said, “Um… I have to tell you something.”

“OK,” I said.

“I have eczema,” he said, as if it was a really bad thing to say.

“OK. Sorry,” I said. Was I supposed to say something else? Was I supposed to chat about moisturizers and treatments? I let it go.

We drove.

Soon, he said, “I have to tell you something.”

“OK,” I said.

“I have eczema on my penis.”

“Oh!” I said. I wasn’t expecting that. “Um… OK.” Was he trying to say? So don’t touch me down there?

We got to my place and kissed some more…

“Maybe I can sleep over,” he whispered a little bit later, as he kissed my neck.

I smiled at him. I was up for it.

There was something about him… he seemed so sweet, nice and real. At dinner he’d told me so much about his family life; two younger sisters, very close with his grandfather and interested in baking. And of course, there was his love of children. Maybe this could actually turn into something. Maybe I was finally attracted to a nice guy.

“Hey, I have to tell you something,” he said.

“OK,” I said.

“Um, sometimes I talk in my sleep.”

“Oh, OK.” Again, what was I supposed to do with this information? “What kind of stuff do you do you say?”

“I don’t know. I yell and curse and stuff.”

“Oh,” I nodded, taking it in.

We made out.

“I have to tell you something.” He pulled himself away from me. “Sometimes I walk in my sleep.”

Now I was  annoyed. He’d just asked to sleep over and what was this? Pushing me away? “What do you do when you walk in your sleep?”

“Oh, I walk to a corner and sit in it. Maybe cursing or screaming while I’m there.”

“Hmm.” I wasn’t so hot for him at the moment.

He snuggled next to me, caressing my arm in a loving, normal way. Yeah, he was nice. I’d met a nice guy.

“I have to tell you something,” he said again, the familiar words like an ice pick in my head.

“Yes?” I asked. Hopeful but not stupid.

“Sometimes I fuck in my sleep.”

Pause.

“I think you’d better go.”

He went, quite willingly.

Post note: Years later, he met my sister at a party and asked her out! She mentioned his name to me and I told her my story. All she had to do was say my name to him and he said… “Oh… I guess you don’t want to go out then.”

They didn’t have a date.