Been ready to burst out crying at any minute all week.

Commercials, Pixar movies, songs… all make me want to sob.

Disappointing news, bills, running late – yep. Tears.

Might it have something to do with pre school summer school starting this week. That’s my guess.

It started with the Friday before when I realized my doctor form paper work had been sitting in an envelope – unsigned. I called the doctor’s office and begged to get the forms signed by Monday morning and they said they would and then email them back, but by Monday morning, there was nothing and they weren’t answering the phone or responding to my email.  Another hour til the office was open. We aren’t going to be allowed into school today I thought. I blew his FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

I had to fight the tears back, hard, til S was preoccupied and I ran into my closet and called my sister to cry and vent.

“Just go there on your way to school,” my sister suggested. (a good reason to pick a doctor close to you.)

And that’s what I did. Only 10 minutes late to first day of school! OK, so maybe I’m not a complete screw up.

I cried at school, but more joyfully, this time as S ran to play with the other kids. He loves it. I love it there. Once I get through the emotions, I know I will not want to leave!!

It’s the beginning of real separation. It’s the beginning of growth and independence. It’s a great thing and he’s really ready for it. He is ready to have friends he sees regularly. He’s ready to learn from someone other than me and be challenged mentally and physically.

He is ready to expand his world, as I have been narrowing mine. My world has just been him and his, me.

Though I feel weepy this week, I am also feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that my life has lead me here. I’m so happy I get to be the mom who is crying that her son is starting pre school. I remember when all my friends were there and I was onlooking, wondering if I’d ever know what that felt like.

So, I’m moving into a new phase. Some of the moms here in preschool summer school are weeping because their kids are starting kindergarten in September. Oy.

Life has never been so filled with deep milestones, as it is now.



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5 Responses to VERGE OF TEARS

  1. Lindsay says:

    What a big milestone – for both of you!

    When I was pregnant with Evelyn, I noticed a group of little kids walking to school together for their first day. Just the sight of it made me cry, tears streaming down my face, imagining that some day I would be watching my own child take that walk. It’s a huge deal, and I think you’d have to be made of stone to not cry!

  2. madgesw says:

    Enjoy your time away. He will love school and so will you. Which school did you choose?

  3. jebhow515 says:

    I am going to be a disaster when Eli goes to his first day of daycare…in october. How will I ever survive? I used to think parents were nuts (ok I didn’t really think they were nuts but I thought it was a little over the top) who cried (I taught in a preschool for years). Now I am in the know!

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