I’d been writing with Zev, from Jdate for about a week. He was pretty flirty in our exchanges and we decided to meet in person.
“Can you meet me at The 17th Street Bar in Santa Monica?” he wrote.
“That’s kind of far from me,” I wrote back.
“But it’s a great bar,” he insisted.
So… was this a red flag that he didn’t want to meet me where I wanted or was he being a fun date planner; choosing an exciting location for our meeting?
I decided to go with the flow – that was always my philosophy. I’d let the guy choose the date (as long as I was comfortable with it) and I get to know his taste that much better.
On his dating profile, Zev said he was a talent agent. As an actress, it was an interesting thought to date an agent – though not really the most inviting. I know talent agents work very hard – round the clock. Some of them are the loveliest people in the world and some are tough and ruthless. And it’s not like it would do anything for my career to have a date with an agent…. if anything, the agents I’d met socially just told me how hard it was to make it and implied that I was most likely doomed..
I trecked across town to a Santa Monica, to meet Zev. The bar was… nice, in a dirty floors/sticky tables kinda way.
When I got there, we hugged. He was really tall and charming. He had that confidant swagger that makes guys instantly attractive; the kind you need to be wary of.
This date happened to fall under a very special time of my JDate history; the time when, on my dating profile I misunderstood the What Are You Looking For? question and instead of selecting A Relationship or Marriage and Children, I selected A Date. My logic was: how was I supposed to know if I was going to want a relationship or marriage, if I didn’t meet the right guy… like if I didn’t find the guy of my dreams, I’d just have a baby without a partner. So I’d start with a date. What I didn’t realize was, in guy code, A Date means a one night stand. This might be why I have a lot of weird date stories….
Zev and I got some beers and after a few minutes of chatting, he grinned like either a half drunk idiot or a sober devil. “I’m not really an agent.”
“You’re not?” I asked. “Why did you say you were on JDate?”
“Because that’s how you get dates with actresses.” He chugged his beer and smirked.
I was a little pissed off, but mostly confused. “You would probably do better to say you are a producer.”
He nodded, appreciating the tip.
“So what do you really do?” I asked.
“I’m a teacher at a Jewish elementary school,” he said.
Didn’t see that one coming. He was kind of a jerk, but somehow still compelling.
We had another beer and for some reason, Zev mentioned he was lactose intolerant. You probably think that’s strange, but you’d be surprised how many many first dates mention their gaseous reactions to dairy. Lucky for Zev, it probably helped him keep kosher.
“I just made a batch of dairy free cupcakes,” he told me. “Seriously.”
“Ok, I believe you,” I said. I hadn’t really decided if I liked him or not. Maybe he was one of those Jewish bad boys, I seemed to be meeting on JDate so often.
If only I could send myself a text to myself back then and say “Hey! Change your dating status! A Date isn’t working for you.” But…. time travel texting hasn’t been invented, yet.
Zev and I chatted a bit more and finished our beers. After a while he said, “So, do you want to come over to my place for a dairy free cupcake? I live right down the street.”
It should have been more obvious to me why Zev had picked this location. But I was naive. All right, I wasn’t naive. I said yes.
“Great, I’ll meet you there,” he said. “I have my vespa.”
I reparked my car a block from the bar and went over to Zev’s. The first thing he did was show me that he really had the dairy free cupcakes. “You want one?”
“No thanks,” I told him. And then, we started making out.
After a few minutes, Zev said, out of the blue, “You know, you will make out with a lot more guys.”
I looked at him for a minute. “What???”
He kissed me again and then said, “And I will make out with a lot more girls.”
I moved away from him. “Um, Ok. I’m not really understanding why you are saying this right now. Do you want me to leave?”
“No no!” he said. “I’m just saying you will make out with a lot more guys and I will make out with a lot more girls. That’s all.”
I looked at him for a second. What the hell, fake-agent guy? “Why are you saying this right now? Do you need to tell me that this isn’t going to lead to anything? Because I already know that!”
He shrugged it off. “No, no… do you want to move this into the bedroom?” he was grinning again.
“No!” I said, moving away from him. “I’m going to leave now.”
He seemed amused. “Ok.”
As I moved to the door he said, “Would you like a dairy free cupcake?”
I looked at him for a second. “Yes.”
I walked back into his small kitchen and grabbed a cupcake and left.
I was recently on a kindergarten tour for a new school for Spense. Yeah, KINDERGARTEN! I know, crazy!
As I signed in at the front desk, I saw a name the name Zev on the list. I flashed to my date from ten years ago and…. I looked up to see dairy free cupcake Zev next to me!!!! I looked away, but knew he’d seen me.
Our tour walked to halls of the school and I tried not to make eye contact. But, of course, I did look at him at one point and he was looking at me and our eyes met then darted away. I don’t know if he actually remembered that night or the making out or the weird/rude things he said or the cupcakes. Or maybe he just thought I looked familiar, but there was some recognition.
Zev looked a lot older. He didn’t look charming or like a Jew player anymore. He looked like… a dad; old, slightly pleated faded jeans, thinning hair, lined face. I wondered how different I looked, as my pants dug into my waist.
Just funny where worlds lead us; how our pathes end up crossing, or not. He was married and his wife was with him. I was pretty sure he hadn’t used the same lines on her, that he’d used on me.
I was very aware of being the only one in the room without a wedding band. It’s always the new situations that remind me, though I’m not bothered by it. All these years later, I don’t regret categorizing myself as looking for A Date. Whatever I did to get where I am now… was the right choice.
So… will we end up at the same kindergarten as Zev and his family? I don’t know! Stay tuned!!!