I had a lot to do. And there’s always cleaning to do and I had some paper work to finish and… I started thinking about my old life. The life where I was out every night, having wine and socializing, wearing make-up and nice shoes. Sometimes a high kick in the street (while wearing beige underwear)
Hahahahaha… yeah, I remember that life. It was nice.
I like my life better now because I have Spense, of course. I’ve been in a bubble of love with my son.
I had a lot of bad dates, as you may have read about here (Oh, you haven’t? Well go over to the right side and click on the Category Dating and get ready for some laughs.)
I’m not saying I gave up on love – I just found love a different way. But maybe I did give up on romantic love a little bit.
The long term relationships I see around me are my role models. Some I envy, some I don’t.
Mostly, I don’t think of myself as on the market anyway. I feel my family is complete.
But, last night, in the interest of important procrastination, I got the itch to shop for a man on line. (Ewww. Don’t say it like that.)
I signed up. I posted a recent photo. A good one. Not a mediocre one like I used to use – thinking that when I met the guys in person they’d be pleasantly surprised. But this time around, I’m not even sure I want to meet anyone, so I put up a good photo.
I mean when would I have a date? At night?! God NO! That time is reserved for the sweet bedtime rituals of books and baths and negotiating teeth brushing. And getting a sitter is reserved for special people. People I already love and want to see and spend time with. I could have a date while Spense is at school. But any guy who can meet me for a date during the day is either unemployed or so rich he’s flexible… how will I know which? Not sure I can risk it.
I scrolled through all the men matched up to me in my age range and thought, “JESUS!!!! I’M OLD!!!!” The last time I was searching on line was at least 6 years ago. My pool has really gone down hill. OY! And the old guys are all looking for relationships and I’m… well, I’m… I don’t know what I am. It’s so hard to shop for a man on line!
I think I’m ready to hide my account.
Maybe I’ll try Tinder.
Oh yeah. I have so much work to do.