I found a lovely drawing in Spense’s school bag; a girl and boy holding hands with hearts all around them.

“This is so sweet, Spense. Who is it from?”

“Oh, I don’t want that any more.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s from Ellie. And I breaked up with her.”

“Why did you break up with her?”

“Because Sam is back. And he’s my best friend.”

Sam had been out of town for a while.

“So you can’t have a best friend and a wife? Or just two friends? That seems silly because actually you have so many friends.”

He just shook his head.

“You didn’t tell Ellie you broke up with her, did you?”

“No.”

“Because that would hurt her feelings.”

Suddenly, I flashed to Spense as a man, stringing along all these women because he remembered his dear mom’s words, don’t break up with them because that will hurt their feelings…

I quickly added, “You don’t need to break up with them when you are in preschool. But when you are older it’s different. Okay?”

“Okay.” he answered.

Am I giving him too much to think about? Am I raising a player? I’m I giving my 5 year old the wrong advice? Should I just let him break up his marriages whenever he wants?

I remember all the guys I ghosted in my day.  Such an asshole move, but then again, it’s not like I was in preschool with them every day; they were mostly superficial relationships from Nerve.com or Jdate – like the guy who lived in a garage and when you had to go to the bathroom, you had to go into his landlord’s house. Or the guy who used an open sleeping bag as a comforter. Or even Simply Fred.

I just don’t see the need for Spense to go around breaking up when he’s 5 and there’s nothing really distinguishing the difference between friend and more than friend anyway… right?  I mean, is there??

I guess I do have early memories of crushes as early as preschool, a boy named Adam I remember I wanted to marry. And in kindergarten a boy named Christopher Muggelbee kissed me at circle time – blood rushed to my face, my stomach fluttered and heat filled my body – reaction that I still get when I’m attracted to someone. So was that the case? Was I attracted to this 5 year old as a 5 year old?

I don’t know if I’m scarring him by telling him not to break up with his wives, but it feel like the right call for now.

Big Love.